the big handsome says he could smoke weed all day in his house----if it weren't for george w bush......special ed says george w bush is the reason why he can't get a "real job" and the reason why he drinks 12 beers 6 nights a week......special k tried to go see a bootleg version of "fahrenheit 911" in thailand, but you guessed it: george w bush wouldn't allow it to be screened.....special k says "george w bush is fucking up thailand".......my father says the "w" in george w bush stands for "war"----he hates w, but then again, he hated the president before that and the president before that and the president before that......jessie says that she might want to have a (hypothetical) abortion 10 years in the future, but there's no way in hell that her (hypothetical) abortion will ever happen if george w bush gets reelected.......(and god and babyjesus bless his comic book, superhero heart) wred fright moved a couple weeks ago and arranged to have the power cut off at his old place, but the minions of george w bush fixed it so that he would be charged for both residences........and if it's that fucking simple, let me fucking go.......jerry garcia is to blame for why i do drugs......mrs fields, sara lee, fruitpie-the-magician, grimace and the motherfucking hamburglar are the reasons why i'm fat......joe camel made me smoke cigarettes......the evil starfucks corporation hooked me on double mocha-jizz lattes, but then dunkin donuts came to my rescue......i grew my hair long and anti-establishment trying to look like "nature boy" ric flair and blackjack mulligan's nappy facial hair was the spawn of my current goatee.......as soon as i saw that "walmart girls" website, i turned into sam walton's loveslave----and for all you motherfuckers who think that walmart controls the universe, just try to find that website now on the sublime directory's spank shed's search engine......i guess george w bush fucking took it away, along with big handsome's sack of weed......wred fright told me a couple months ago that george w bush had already appointed a doublesecret "porn czar"----and that if bush got reelected, amerikans could "kiss their internet porn goodbye".....and i told wred fright that "as long as they still made cameras and 18-year-old girls still equated butt cleavage with freedom" that amerika would be just fine.......i guess before i continue, i should stop and send a shout out to wred fright (lest you think i'm bagging on him)......if i were to rank the top 10 least hypocritical people i've ever met, he'd be #'s 1 thru 10.....to tell ya the truth, he might be the only superhero left in my world that hasn't turned to the dark side (and how can you not in 2004?)......i can use his political beliefs to make my anti-points, because it takes more integrity for him to build than it does for me to destroy......i can use his political beliefs to make my anti-points because he knows it's ultimately all about the name drop and that there aint no bad publicity......anyway, i am so damn sick of every person that i know blaming everything that's wrong in their lives on george w bush......"george w bush is responsible for the rash on my ass"......."george w made me smoke crack and rob that bank"...."george w bush is the source of all evil"......"george w bush is the source of all origin sin"-----OH MY GOD, SHUT FUCKING UP!!!......george w bush would have trouble with the alphabet.......george w bush would get stuck in the molasses playing candyland with a kindergartener.......and if you wanna blame the fucking machine, then blame the fucking machine.......if you wanna equate the us government with lucifer, then by all means do so with my blessing (it might be god though too, ya know)......just stop pretending that the machine would run any differently with kerry as president, ok?.......for that matter, who do you want as your new frat brother: the billionaire windsurfer or the billionaire who's always doing coke and who's always falling down?.....the textbook i use for freshman english is called "ways of reading" and i'm just trying out different angles, ya know......is every fiber of your being tied into being a democrat or a republican?......god must defeat the devil and austin powers must defeat dr evil.....for all you kids out there who plan to vote: make sure you know that your vote for president is just as important now as it was when you helped ruben defeat the evil clay on "american idol"-----at least on that particular reality show you can (possibly) affect the voting by calling in every 12.5 seconds.......what's the moral of all this?......all my friends are ultimately rich enough to continue doing whatever-the-fuck-it-was they claimed george w bush was preventing them from doing, regardless of how underground and alternative they claim to be----and that's what amerika is all about......wherever the big handsome is right now, you know he's smoking weed.......wred fright has electricity and jessie could have her (hypothetical) abortion tonight if she was so inclined......i'm sure special k has seen "fahrenheit 911" by now and i'm sure my father will hate the next president even more than he does george w bush be it in 2004 or 2008......i do drugs because i'm fat and insecure and no one wants to have sex with me......i smoke cigarettes because they bring me back to the middle when i'm too high or too low.....i prefer dunkin donuts coffee over starbucks because the evil donutman puts more sugar and cream into my cup......i go to walmart because i'm fat and lazy and because all the stuff i need is right there----because i hate all of you and want to see the least amount of people as possible during my monthly trip to the store......i have facial hair because i don't want you to get a good look at my teeth......i have long hair because you have to have a pretty face to have short hair.......i look at porn to study how people have sex----in case the need should arise for me sometime in calendar 2005.....finally, neither george w bush nor the giant twinkie-making corporations that are all under his thumb are responsible for me being fat----that distinction belongs to my mama......drugs?: mama says drug addicts are filth.....cigarettes: mama's sister, wanda died from smoking cigarettes......taiwan: mama says they scoop your leftovers back into the pot at chinese restuarants......coffee: mama says you'll get the diabetes if you drink too much----the .39 cent senior special from mcdonald's is just about right......eating food: who'd want to marry a big, fat, giant, hog like you?---you'll never have a wife, especially if you treat her the way you treat your mother......porn: "the bible says they cried for the rocks in the mountain, but it was too late".......long hair and goatee: "who's ever gonna give you a job when you look like that?"......walmart is ok though----they've usually got some good bargains......moral of the story revisited: you don't need to pull your icons off the tv......why would baby want prepackaged, presidential pablum (and either dictionary definition works for me) when baby could have good, ole-fashioned mother's milk?.....amerika, you can keep george bush and you keep the devil......you can keep john kerry and the babyjesus too.....slap a fucking bumper sticker on your car and you can all be even more generic than you already are----put it right next to the flag and the yellow ribbon that signifies you're praying for the troops to make it home safely.......no community ethos for me, ya know----i don't need it to define who i am.......i've got mama and mama's got me......and george w bush on his worst day couldn't carry her jock......